Too tired to write much...

Well I wanted to write about some of my experiences at St. Aug's. It's not going well. At all really, but I'm just too tired to sit here and write it all out.

I've been sick. Ugh. A steak sandwich and waffle fries should only be seen once. Going down. Definitely not five times... coming up. Not to mention the numerous times I saw my gatorade...

Anyway; I've been sick. I think I've recuperating very quickly, and I plan on waking up at 100% tomorrow. This will be a 36 hour bug at the most!

But keep posted, because I will eventually spill the beans on my new work environment...

Electro-Stimulating

For about 6 bucks I ordered an electro-stimulating ab belt on eBay. I'm quite sure it's going to be crap, but hey... for $6 even crap can be fun for a few minutes of shock induced crunches!

It's being shipped form Hong Kong, so it'll probably take about two weeks to get here. I'll let you know how it turns out.

... and don' worry, I'll probably have someone else around when I try it for the first time. You know... just in case the jolts stop my heart or something.... HA!

Bad Breath

Nothing is worse than the disappointment you get when you meet a really hot chick, but then get slapped in the face with bad breath. I mean like slapped in the face by a dead fish bad. It completely ruins it. Because a couple of feet away all you're thinking about is getting close to those luscious lips, but as soon as you get within range you're back peddling like a clown on a unicycle trying to find his balance... was that too much juxtaposition of images? ... oh well.

The important thing to realize here is that it doesn't have to be this way. That's right! You too can remedy your death breath! Of course there are the obvious things of smoking and avoiding foods with a lot of garlic, and I've found that coffee can leave a particularly rank aroma in its aftermath... but it all comes down to proper brushing technique. So here's what I've developed after some research and personal trial and error... and I think it's worked out pretty well.

First, begin with a good pre-rinse mouth wash. I've been using a whitening mouthwash that utilizes peroxide, so I have to brush afterwards to get all the foam out of my mouth. Although, I think I would keep the habit of rinsing with mouth wash first even if it weren't a whitening wash. It helps to loosen up all the particles of food and kill bacteria in your mouth.

Let's face it... the reason why your breath smells like death is because you've got dead and rotting things in your mouth. The bacteria feeds on little bits of food that are rotting away, and then the bacteria eventually die and rot in your mouth too. That's just gross, so we want to get rid of that stuff as much as we can.

So, while you're rinsing (for at least 30 seconds) use that time to rinse your brush out and put your toothpaste on it. I'm not gonna specify which kind of bristle or paste you use. I don't think it really matters. Just use your average long neck brush and a paste or gel that you like.

Spit out the rinse and get to work brushing! Make sure that you brush every tooth. Don't neglect those guys and gals in the back of your mouth. Brush in little circular motions all around. Brush the front of your teeth, the tops of your teeth, and the backs of your teeth. Brush 'em all... You should spend about 2 minutes on your teeth so that you thoroughly clean them. Next comes a big... no huge... no... monumental key to avoiding bad breath!

Brush your tongue!!!! Yeah, that's right. A lot of stuff lives on your tongue... and dies there, and stinks up the whole place. It's not like the funky smell coming from under your house that you can't find. You know where this is, so take care of it. Clean it off from the back to the front. Get all that crud cleaned off. Just because you don't always see it doesn't mean it's not there. I've found that if I'm getting sick I'll get this gross film on my tongue (that smells bad), and I also discovered that if I'm diligent in scrubbing that stuff off I feel better faster.

Once you've finished with your tongue, brush the roof of your mouth. I know this might sound a little odd, but think about it. When you close your mouth where do you rest your slim covered tongue? That's right... against the roof of your mouth. So it has just as much stuff growing, if not more, as your tongue.

Spit.

Here, I rinse out my brush and then do another quick pass of everything with a freshly rinsed brush. I like to make sure that I get every thing cleaned out.

Spit again.

Now this is another very important step that is sometimes overlooked. RINSE with clean water. I usually rinse at least twice and gargle it on the second time. But you should look at the water as it's leaving your mouth. The first time you rinse toothpaste and food particles will be clearly visible coming out with the water. You might even see some come out with the second rinse. That means you should rinse again. Remember, you want all the crud to come out. So you should rinse until the water that comes out of your mouth looks just like the water that went in; clear. If it's not clear, then it's not clean.

And that's all there is to it. I know it may seem like a big process, but it should only take 2.5 mins all together; maximum. And it can make a mighty big difference.

I would like to make one additional note though. If you have any sort of permanent dental work in your mouth, like braces or a retainer, then you have an additional hurdle to leap. That metal bar is the perfect brothel for germs and bacteria to get together and make smelly little babies. So no matter how well you brush, if you don't get something behind that dental work to scrub those germ babies out, you will still have bad breath. So take some floss or some other kind of tool, and get under that stuff to clean it out. Very important. The people in your intimate space will thank you... and you may just find a few more people entering your intimate space.

My girlfriend from high school is pregnant and about to be a mom... is that supposed to be weird?

She seemed a lot younger than me then, although... she's a lot older than some of the girls I date now...

I guess as long as I'm not getting any girls pregnant things can't get too weird...

I'm Mint Chocolate!

I was running low on body wash and deodorant, so I made a run to Wally-World to pick some up. For both products I tend to get the same brand every time (Axe... don't judge me...), and on both fronts each had come out with a new fragrance. The body wash was called something like Dark Temptation, and the deodorant was Sharp and Focus. I was swayed by the power of something new in both instances.

So I get in the shower the next day and try out the new wash. In the store it had smelled like soap to me, but once I started to suds up with it I could detect faint hints of chocolate! The back of the bottle says, 'You'll be as irresistible as chocolate, but I didn't think they were being literal!

Then I went to put on my deodorant, and I noticed that the bottom of the stick said something about having mint extract in.

That's when I realized that I'm now mint chocolate flavored...

Food!

I just did a half hour of yoga and I feel pretty refreshed/stretched... although I slept til 11, so I guess I should feel refreshed anyways.

While there's a lot of things I could talk about that happened since my last post, I'm choosing to talk about food instead!

Last weekend I went down to Charlotte for a couple of days of practice with ML. It went very well. We got a lot of good work done and I even learned something important about my waltz from the group lesson... but more importantly, I ate very well! Most notably was when we went to this Japanese place called Sushi 101. It was fantastic! Not only do they serve sushi, but they're also a noodle house, which was particularly appealing to me since I've recently been on a Naruto binge (Naruto's favorite thing in the world is Ramen from a little stand in his village). The excitement that Naruto shows for this stuff is tremendous, and I realized I'd never had ramen noodles before. I always avoided the little 10 cent packs from the store, as it seemed too cliche for a college student to eat ramen. So I was really excited to see it on the menu. I was a little nervous since I'd tried udon and yaki soba noodles before and really didn't like them very much, but I took the plunge and ordered the ramen anyways! It was kinda funny... I ordered the bowl of ramen, with chicken, and the waitress turned to ML so I had to get her attention again to tell her I also wanted a spicy tuna roll. Well... that's not the funny part, the funny part was the look she gave me, like an "are you serious?" kinda look, and then, when ML only ordered a bowl of miso soup and (I think) a cucumber roll, she gave her a similar look, but with the opposite meaning. Like mine was too much food and hers was too little... She ended up being right on both ends!

The first thing of mine to come out was the tuna roll, and let me say, this was the best looking tuna I have ever seen in a roll. Maybe they added color to it or something, but it had the deepest red color I've ever encountered, and it was a really big cut of fish. It tasted really good too. I wonder if I can just buy that spicy mayo they use, or make my own somehow... I bet that would really kick up a turkey sandwich... but I digress...

Next came out my noodles. The bowl was huge! and it was a very nice looking... I guess you call it stoneware... bowl. On top all you could see was grilled chicken breast... which is saying a lot lot since the bowl was a good 10 - 12 inches in diameter. The chicken was sliced to make it easy to eat with the chopsticks, and under it was a bunch of veggies (carrots, onions, zucchini, etc...) and a mountain of noodles! I dug right in, and it was amazing! The noodles were really good, and the chicken was grilled just right. Mmm mmm MMM! Great! I did my best to eat it all, and I got pretty close on my own. ML helped a little bit and between the two of us we ate all the chicken and the noodles and most of the veggies. It wasn't until after we were laughing about how much it was that we noticed they had brought two smaller bowls and two spoons out also... it seems as though I was supposed to have served it out of the big bowl into a smaller bowl for eating... I hope I didn't look silly or break some cultural rule by eating strait from the big bowl...

The stuff was awesome, but I will say that I would have preferred a little more flavor in the broth. I think it might have just been a light vegetable stock, or maybe even just water...

So that was the big food event of that weekend, we backed a lot of cookies too, but cookies are cookies and this ramen was something a little less conventional.

So then this week... having the memory of wanting a chicken broth in my ramen, and then having some of the worlds worst chicken noodle soup (don't buy Harris Teeter's generic chicken noodle, its not worth it and now I've got a can of crap in my cupboard)... I decided to make my own chicken stock. It took me a couple of days, but I did it, and I have since turned that stock into some of the worlds best chicken noodle soup! It's outstanding! I love this stuff! There is so much flavor in the broth itself that you don't even need to put anything else in it, but then when you add more chicken and veggies and noodles it transcends this world into a nirvana or soup!

Mmmmmm..... I'm going to eat some now ...

That's Life :)

I think I'm finally "back on top in June" Things are good... they could get better yet, but I'm pleased with things for now :)

New FB group

Oh yeah... I found myself at a dinner table surrounded by three girls that I've hooked up with in the past. Some more recent than others... it was odd. They started comparing my techniques... They wanted to know who else I've been involved with and so the idea of making a facebook group of all the people I've made out with was tossed out there.

I think it would end up being a pretty small group in the scheme of things...

The days of my life

Someone referred to my blog as a soap opera tonight... apparently it's that interesting and dramatic. The funny thing is that most recently I've left out all the best parts. A new/old girl came and, well it seems like she's already left too.... but she was fun while it lasted. I won't say much more about her... she asked me not to talk about her here, so I'll respect her wishes. There's a new girl who's caught my eye at the dance studio, we'll call her P for now. I've only met her twice, and for only a few minutes each time. She has a cute factor, but she's probably too young for me to pursue... but this is me we're talking about here, and age hasn't really stopped me before. As long they're not one of my students, but they have to be old enough to be one... ha... no wonder my friends think I have no ethics... This girl's not even in school. She works full time instead.... And then it seems as though I've stirred things up with the big J... the only J that I've never actually gotten. I pretty much told her that I'm cutting myself off from her. I would do almost anything for that girl. She could call me in the middle of the night and I would come for her... that's why I can't see her anymore. She's never even given me a reason to care about her, and yet she holds a power over me. I giver her control... and I'm a control freak. Although I am conflicted. She sees this as losing a friend, and I think she's lost a few of those as of late. Our conversation has only been through email, so I can't be too sure, but I think I have upset her. Although, it's not like we really ever hang out much, if we do it's because I call her. I always work really hard to see her, why would she be so upset to hear this I can't see her anymore? She flip flopped on her boyfriend so much and got my hopes up so often... I just can't put myself through that all the time. I told her that I wouldn't be able to change. I wouldn't be able to stop flirting with her; to stop wanting her; that it would be unfair to her boyfriend for me to hang out with her and harbor such feelings. I know that I act on my feelings. Especially with her, I cannot keep them in check. While she has allowed my advances in the past, I cannot allow them in the future. But yeah, at the same time I'm sad and worried that I have caused her undue stress and sadness. I want to hold on. I want the conversation to continue. I check my email all the time waiting to see if she's responded to my last message, but I worry that she's given up and accepted the situation... or if she's just admitted to herself that she doesn't really care at all. I don't know if she ever really cared about me, she may just be more upset about losing my attention.

On another note... I've found NARUTO. Hulu has three seasons (each season has like 60 episodes) of the original japanese subtitled. That show is hardcore; people die! There's blood! And yet, it's very emotional. I have found myself getting choked up at moments... although it does often deal with orphan themes and growing up without parents that strike a chord with my daddy issues. I watch the show and think that the ninja stuff is pretty cool, but also think that chicks would be really interested in the relational bonds that are made and then tested in the story lines. As is typical of these shows, out of 30 mins, 15 is made up of credits, flashbacks, and foreshadowing... but with hulu I can skip past all of it and get through each episode in 15 mins. In two nights I've watched the first 20 or so. I think I'm hooked... although I don't really like the title character yet. He's too wreck less and self centered... although I do see how people can identify with him. He's still very much a kid though, and he has shown glimmers of maturity that make me change my opinion of him... temporarily.

Time Capsules

So I was doing some file management on my older computer, trying to clear up some space so I could run a good defrag, and I found an old video from about two years ago. It was a dance video from what might have been the first showcase I ever did. Ginny and I were dancing in Wythville, VA with Ray and Angela.

I remember some of the thoughts in my mind at the time the video was made. I remember how much work and effort we put into making up fancy, showy, intros for our most basic silver routines. But, I also remember feeling really good about our dancing. I can't remember... I think it was before our first competition together, but we were pretty confident about our abilities. You can see it in my face and my body actions... I really think that we are the cat's meow (oh yeah, that good), and it's evident that we're having a blast dancing.

Looking back on it now... we were awful. Terrible by comparison to where ML and I are now. It's embarrassing to watch and see some of the stuff I do. I look like a real idiot there with my arms flailing about and my actions so choppy and staccato, absolutely no fluidity of movement... but then it's kind of nice too. Nice to see that I have made improvements since then. That even in the time where I didn't have a partner I was still getting better. It helps ease my mind a little bit. For a while I've been feeling stagnant. I worry that I'm regressing, and that I'm not even as good as I was a few years ago... but seeing the video reminds me just how far I've come in that time.

But it also makes me sad. I remember the joy I felt at that time. I really loved it. Sometimes it feels like work now. Not always though. Today I played around with a new part of our cha cha, and it felt pretty cool. I had a lot of fun figuring out how to shape it and it felt like it looked pretty cool. So I still have times of joy, but it doesn't seem as though there are as many.

Although that's the thing about memories... they tend to be one sided. It seems like you never remember everything, just the good stuff, or just the bad. I think back to that time and I remember everything as being great. I remember dance as though we were awesome, and I remember absolutely loving to be on the floor with Ginny. I still catch myself longing for that time, when she was in my arms I felt like we could make anything happen on the floor. Dancing was so much fun. We would just 5, 6 around and around in an endless whip and nothing else mattered. She'd just look up at me, shift her tail back and forth in time with mine, the centripetal force pushing us to hold each other tighter, and I was so happy. It's one of my favorite memories of her. Just spinning with her. It makes my heart smile. ... but the point is, I don't often remember how much we fought over dance. How much we bickered about everything... the constant arguments. We rarely could agree on anything, and I don't often remember what our dancing really looked like (ie - not as good).

I need to realize that I've got it just as good now, if not better, than I had it then. I'm a better dancer now, the partnership is overall better, and I love my dance partner. I really love her. She and I are developing a chemistry on the floor and we work really well together. In the long run we have much more potential for success.

But you never forget your first love do you? Ginny wasn't really my first partner, but she was the first one to really work and be successful with me. I don't think I'll ever forget her, at least I hope I don't, no matter how much better I get. I kinda hope I always remember her and our partnership fondly.

I'm not sure what I'm getting at now. I think I'm just free writing. I still love Ginny, at least the memory of her. I love ML, and I'm excited for the potential to make new memories with her. I just can't decide if it will be the same or not; if I'll be able to make the connection with her, or if I even should. Maybe ML will get her own memories and connections. I'm sure she will... but when she does, what will happen to my memories of Ginny?

The moral of this post is: 1. keep a record of your activities so you can track your progress and know that you're improving and 2. don't start a post at 2 AM, especially one that's gonna make you reminisce about ex girlfriends...

I must have been a good boy...

because Santa was very good to me this year! I got pretty much everything on my list that I asked for. Right now, I'm typing this post on my new ASUS eeePC. I absolutely love it! It's so tiny I can take it anywhere. For the first couple of days I didn't even get out of bed until well into the afternoon because I was able to just pick it up and check my email and read the news and do everything online I wanted to right in bed. Although, I am still geting used to the keyboard, and I tend to make more type-o's on this itty bitty keyboard. It seems to follow the rule that if I hit more than one key (accidentally) at once, nothing registers. So I often find words that have letters missing and need to be filled in. Other than that I'm a little disappointed with the battery life and video playback doesn't work with some flash players (like the one on facebook). But I love the simplicity of the linix system.

I also got a new GPS! Totally unexpected... I thought I might get one big thing on my list but the GP too? Awesome! I haven't gotten to really play with it too much, since I haven't gone out of town with it yet. But I think I might be driving to knoxville in a couple weeks, so I'll get to mess with it then. Maybe I'll have it find me a new route to Greensboro tomorrow... It's pretty nice, has a big touch screen. It only has one voice, but that's ok cuz I like it, I just wish I knew her name. I like to refer to GPS's a lady... it's more fun to go 'exploring' with a friend (that's what my mom always called it when we were lost... 'exploring').

AND... I got a tiny little,, cell phone sized HD camcorder! It runs off two AA batts and an SD card. I haven't played with it much either, but it seems like it will be a lot of fun. I have no excuse not to get vids of my dancing now...

I got a few other things as well... lots of gift cards, a new travel case for toiletries, a huge 16 GB flash drive and some other fun stuff too. This Christmas was like I hit the jack-pot! ... I wonder if my family feels bad that I just lost my job, and if they're trying to make p for it with cool stuff... nah, they're just cool!

Then, with some of the cash I got, I bought Guitar Hero World Tour. Its a blast... already gone through with the drums, now I'm working on the bass.

But, I think I'm gonna have to cut this short... it seems that carpel tunnel sets in a lot faster on these tiny little keys...

until next time!

100th Post!

This is the 100th post to this blog.

... I had no idea. I was just logging in to make a post and it took my to the profile showing that there were currently 99, which makes this number 100.

So what is my 100th post about? If you were to make a guess about what I would write on, what would be? Thinking back across the span you'd probably guess girls. And it would be a pretty good guess... although you'd have to specify that it's a girl with a boyfriend or a girl who I'm interested in or a girl who has irritated me. That'd be a pretty good guess, but it would be wrong. (I do tend to write a lot about the joys of single-dom)

This post however is about McDonald's. Yup, Mac D's, Micky D's, or however else you can call it. I told you, I had no idea this was going to be the 100th post...

So I checked out the newly opened, rebuilt restaurant on Western. Wow... it's fancy on the inside. It looks right out of the corporate showroom. It's got 2 drive-thru lanes. I don't know why it needs two lanes, but it's got two lanes. Seems to me like they could have gone without one of the lanes and made some more parking, or pushed the building back a little so it doesn't create such an awful traffic pattern trying to get out of the place... but they've got two... for all those really crazy busy times at the McD's drivethru... (yes, there is a little sarcasm there)

But the inside of the place is really nice. All decked out with NC State imagery and huge wallpaper images of historic athletic events. Good Ol' P Riv is larger than life right next to Jimmy V and Kay Yow. I love P Riv, but is he really on the same level as Yow?

Either way, they made my big mac the way I wanted it, and it looked pretty busy. It's pretty nice.

Slightly related, I've been making the observation that every McD's I go into seems to always be playing Fox News. Never any other news source. Always Fox. It was no different in this new location (they've got it behind the cash registers so you can watch while you're in line), so I asked the manager if it was a corporate mandate that Fox News be the news channel shown. He seemed a little squirrely about it and gave an answer of, 'I'm not really able to say, but I think so...' We chatted about it for a minute until he asked another manager (who I think might have some ownership of the place) and his answer was it was the owner's decision. The channels on the tv's are set, and they cannot be changed by the management. The second guy told me that they once used CNN, but too many people complained. So now they use Fox News. I guess the types of people who are going to complain about what news channel is playing silently in the background for the 15 mins (max) they're sitting in a fast food place are the type who watch Fox News. I'd wager there are just as many people out there who would rather see another news source, but they're also the same people who be less likely to create conflict or complain over it.

So those of you who are in other parts of the country, let me know, what news is playing in your Mc's. It makes sense for Fox to play in the conservative south, but what about a little north of here, or out on the west coast. Is it MSNBC in California? CNN in Virginia? Share your McDonald's stories!

Something old, new, borrowed, and blue

No, no one's getting married, but the title of the post does fit certain events from the weekend. I can't really go into any detail about it, so you folks might not ever know what it means... but I'm hoping that at least I'll know what it means if I ever read this post again in the future.

Where to begin...

My weekend was pretty freakin awesome now that I look back on it. Yeah... it kicked ass. I did a lot of fun stuff.

Friday night was the DWW christmas party. Lots of people were there... close to 30 people crammed into J&A's little apartment. There was lots of food. Two pots of chili were made, lots of brownies, cutely decorated cupcakes, and other sweets. My gas grill made an appearance to cook up hot dogs and burgers... all of it was great. It was really nice to see everyone and just hang out. I got to be Santa for a little bit, the beard was great! There are a few pictures up on FB... more are coming. So you can see some of the fun yourselves!

Saturday was a bit of a chill day. I relaxed around the house for a while, went to the mall to get a secret santa gift, and then went to visit someone that I probably shouldn't have. I was waiting to leave for greensboro (I had to pick up ML for our show on sunday) when I made contact with a girl. So many of you know who this girl is, I'm not even going to give a first initial. I hadn't heard from her in a while... which is pretty common for her. We often make plans that she breaks...but this time she was home alone and bored and wanted to make good on one of the rain checks she had written me. I couldn't go out, but I told her I'd stop by and visit for a bit before I had to leave. I admit, I did feel slightly used and irritated that the only time she thought of me was when someone else had left her home alone and she didn't have anything, or anyone, else. Previously I had even told myself, and her, that we should see each other; that it wasn't fair, but things... were different. At least different enough that I think visits are ok now. I admit, I was upset that my time was limited to only half an hour or so, when she would have given me several hours. Time with her is so limited that... or at least its been limited in the past... it will likely be that was in the future as well... I want as much as I can get whenever I can get it. I enjoyed the time with her. Even though I know there are many many many reasons that she is wrong for me, she feels right when I hug her. Even though everything she tells me might only be in half truths, I believe we could be together (even though she's never even said it...). It's most likely because she always blows me off that I want her so much... I've got issues I know. So, eventually I had to leave. We had a few really great hugs (she told me it was because she hadn't been hugged in a while that she squeezed me so tight... I didn't mind at all), and I left. We talked on the phone for about an hour while I drove to greensboro... It was nice, and little naughty, but fun none the less. We made plans for Monday... that were broken. We made plans for Wednesday, that I honestly don't expect to be held. Ahhh, but I know what I'm getting into, and I've set my expectations very low, so don't worry about me with this one.

Then, I picked up ML! We drove back to Raleigh and found that the studio was being rented out for the night so we couldn't use it to practice any. We ended up going to Rockford instead. I love that place, but I was really upset to see my two favorite sandwiches no longer on the menu! Hopefully its just a seasonal thing and the salmon will come back in the spring. We came back to my place and practiced a little bit in the kitchen, then we watched the Blackpool Latin championships. Then we ran through the rumba changes a few more times and hit the sack!

Sunday was the big day. ASTG International Ballroom's Christmas Showcase!!! ML and I got there a little early and ran through things to music on the floor about twice, then I started to help set everything up. It was a long day. I MC'd the whole event... which was pretty fun once I got started. I was pretty nervous about it before we got going, but I got into a groove and apparently I was the best MC they've had in years. It was a big deal that I kept us on schedule! Everything went really well. My dancing was pretty good. I got to focus on my MC job, so I didn't have to watch (with much focus) the dancing that others were doing (... its not fair to them but I always compare everyone to the world champions that I enjoy and that they've never even heard of). ML and I did pretty well. We had a bumpy first couple of beats but we finished strong. We had people come up to us and tell us how much our piece put them 'in the mood' so they needed to get home pretty quick... yeah. My friend CFuP girl was there, and she got some great shots of everything, so I hope to have some of those up to show everyone soon.

Afterwards I had some chinese food with friends and watched White Christmas. Fun.

Another girl from my recent past has come back into my life. She specifically asked me not to say anything in my blog about her, so I won't say anything specific. Just that I am enjoying my time with her, and that I think about her... fondly. She's a lot of fun, and its clear that she cares for me. And it's nice it's nice to feel cared for.

This has been a great couple of days for me... and I am pretty darn happy right now.

:-)

migration...

So I finally signed up for a gmail account... the only problem is that I didn't do it from inside my previous google account. So now I have two separate google accounts. One for the new gmail and one for everything else.

Pain.
In.
My.
Ass.

It wasn't until I looked in the help section to try and merge the accounts that it told me I needed to make it from within the account. Ugh...

So anyway, things might look a little off here for a while. I added the new gmail me as an Admin, and removed the old yahoo me. If everything goes like I want it to, you guys should be able to notice a difference at all. I've basically cut and paste all the info from the old account onto the new account. It's just a matter of cancelling things and resigning up for them.

I might drop the whole AdSense thing. So far I've made a whole $2.61 on it... it won't pay out until I get to $100. And I'd have to create a new one... so I'd get kicked back down to $0.00. It was a fun experiment, it told me I write a lot about dance and depression...

Anyways... just a heads up in case things are a little funky around here for a little while.

my birfday... so far

I'm sick. I've been sick since last Friday. It's not very evident to others that I'm sick, but boy is it evident to me. I can't eat anything, or at least I'm not hungry. I only eat half of what I should be eating. The worst part though it the amount of time I spend in the bathroom. I'll let your imagination take it from there.

Why am I telling you about this in regards to my birthday? Because I usually really like going someplace new and slightly fancy for dinner on my birthday, and so far today I've had zero desire to eat anything. I had already planned on not doing anything for my birthday. Since it fell on a Wednesday I figured I'd be in Greensboro dancing, but ML called me and she's sick today too. So, we're not meeting there and I've got nothing to do at all. The thing is, I don't know if I really want to do anything anyway...

So, that was a bit more of a tangent than I wanted it to be.

Yesterday... since I thought I'd be gone today, my Mom brought me a small, single layered, chocolate cake with chocolate chips and cream cheese frosting. I haven't been able to eat much, but it's good. I'm very happy with it. She also gave me my b-day present yesterday... a Blu-Ray player?! Totally unexpected, but she got a really good deal on it. It was a display model, so it was missing the box, the documentation, the remote... basically everything but the actual player. She also gave me Batman Begins on BD. I put it in to test it out and the movie started right up. It looked pretty good too. We watched for a little while and then we went to Sadlack's a split my favorite sandwich in the WORLD... the turkey applejack. Man that thing is amazing.... we also had sweet potato fries, but I was full after half a sandwich (ridiculous... I hate this illness). Later I finished watching Batman and then just hung out for a while. I decided not to go to Inga's so I could save my energy for today's practice... oh well. I met up with some folks at Bo Bo's and then we went to Block buster and rented another movie on BD.

This one gave us problems.... remember, I don't have a remote for this thing. This disc went to a menu first, and pressing play on the player did nothing... I messed with it an hour or so. I updated the firmware (I think, I can't check it without the blue button on the official remote). Then I gave up and put batman back in. I slept through a lot of it.

I went to bed, woke up, had a very nice morning, ate some cake, and then felt really sick again. It probably doesn't help that the only thing I've been eating the past two days was salami (part of a taste test on campus... made $30).

I got a new remote (spent $30) and it works most of the features, I think... Without the original for comparison, I don't know what I'm missing out on.

Now, I've got nothing to do. I hadn't planned on being home. I figured I'd be dancing. Maybe I'll be able to throw something together, but short notice is really difficult during finals...

Lapdance...check!

Let's start the weekend discussion with Friday. It was the last day of classes and they last day that I'd get to work with any of my students at NC State. It was an easy day for them. All they had to do was come in and drop off some materials. So, they didn't even have to be there for the entire class period, but it never failed that a few hung around with me until my next class began. That was fun. The student interactions have always been my favorite part of teaching.

Then I went and had my samba lesson with Carol... I don't think I've directed these lessons very well. I'm just so focused on getting her to move correctly that I haven't spent enough time on the choreography with her. I haven't spent enough time on it with myself. We don't know the routine very well... and I think its a lot shorter than what everyone else will be doing at the showcase this weekend... It's funny. All my coach ever says to me is that I spend too much time on choreography and not enough on movement, and with her its been the exact opposite. Working at the studio is so different than what this competitive syllabus dancer is accustomed to.

Then I rushed back to campus for my fusion class (its a fusion of yoga and pilates... this one focuses more on pilates). I've been taking this class every Friday for a couple months now. I missed two weeks because of Ohio and Thanksgiving, and I may only get to go to one more since I have to leave the university. I don't know if I'll maintain my gym membership. I love the class. It works all the things I need for dance, so it's great. I wish it did a little more on improving flexibility, but that's me just being selfish again. It doesn't hurt that the instructor is super cute. I mean, this girl is the embodiment of cute. She's very pretty, bot hot, but pretty. That's a good thing though. Never marry a hot girl. Hot girls almost always age poorly and look haggard after a while. Pretty girls, on the other hand, usually are always going to be pretty. Anyways... this class was fun. As usual I was the only guy in a class full of girls, so I set up right in the front (I'm there for the class, not to stare at chicks' asses, they can stare at my ass... I know they do), but this time I ended up right in front of the instructor, and a lot of flirting ensued. My friend E goes to the class too and she pointed out that it started to get a little distracting, and I got a little defensive and told her that I really wasn't flirting that much, but then E pointed out that it wasn't really coming from me as much as it was directed at me. She said the instructor just kept starring at me. I noticed that too, but didn't want to say anything. On a different note, I always push myself in that class. By the end of this one, my legs were shaky and I felt sick! Shakiness is normal, sickness in not.

We'll skip around in time to maintain the continuity of my Fitness story... later that night I found her on facebook and added her as a friend. To my surprise she was listed as single. It surprised me because just a few weeks before she was telling me how her boyfriend had taken out the night before. So then the increases flirting started to make sense to me. I sent her a message Sunday telling how sore I still was, she replied, then I went for it. I sent another message asking if it would be inappropriate for me to take my fitness instructor out for coffee. Then I crash and burn. She replies with 'i think it would be inappropriate bc i just got out of a relationship and do not want to date anyone at this pnt in time' ... or something close to that. Completely understandable, yet still a little sad. I wasn't asking to date her, just for a latte, but I guess there's more commitment to coffee than I thought.

Back to Friday... after the class I went home to change clothes and then went to work a dance party at ASTG. I felt sick. It came and went all night. I'd be ok for one minute and then nauseous the next, but I made it through. I felt exhausted by the end of it. I stopped by the end of the club's social dance for a while but then called it a night. I was in bed by 12:30. I must have had a 'touch of the flu' I couldn't sleep very well. I was up at 5AM with a dance nightmare! I can't remember what it was exactly, just that I was stuck in the same three steps over and over and over and I couldn't get it out of my head, like I was ocd about it. It was terrible. I also felt pretty sick when I woke up, and I spent some time in the bathroom... no fun. I stayed up a total of about 45 min before I got back in bed and slept until 10 or so on saturday.

I made my way to CBC and basically sat around all day. I saw and chatted with a lot of people, but I felt like crap all day. I was excited to see Lina there though. After everything was over, against the will of my ailing body, I went dancing with her and a few others. We found ourselves at some textiles semi-formal. I felt like a chaperon everyone else was so young looking there. They had to have been college students, but freshmen look more and more like kids to me... anyway, we made our own party. It was a blast! We were much better dancers (even club dancers) than the other kids there, and they often turned around to watch our group. It didn't hurt that every other song someone was getting or giving a lap dance. Lina has pictures, they're great, but it was better in person ;) I got a dance from two girls at the same time. I will also add at this point that some girls who I've never been attracted to, became pretty darn hot dancing with me.... We stayed until about 11:30 (which felt like 3:30 to me). I had perked up and had a great time there, but afterwards my exhaustion took over. I was gonna meet with Lina's roommate and hang out with them for a while, but I ended up crashing at home instead. I was so tired when I got home, that I put my pj's on backwards and didn't even notice till morning.

I slept until 11 or so Sunday, and did nothing else all day. I didn't even open the door on Sunday. I was completely shut in. Although, I did feel good when people called me. Its nice when people just call to call. It makes me feel like people actually like me and want to talk to me. I have a birthday coming up, so a few of the call centered around that, but it was still nice to know that people think of me... I've been increasingly lonely lately. The holidays are always difficult to be alone in.

So that's my weekend. As usual the second got shortchanged since I used up all my focus on the first half... it's a good thing I'm not a kid today, I'd be diagnosed with ADD and drugged up in a heartbeat.

Table Tennis Tips

I already liked their music, but now I know these guys are fun.

In contrast...

Do not make someone a priority if they make you an option.

A friend of mine told me she was going to make this one of her resolutions. I should too. I admit that this is somewhat hypocritical of me to say, since I often make people options (see the previous post), but I need to work on this myself.

Instead of chasing after broken goods, when I can't even find all the pieces necessary to put her back together, I should be looking for something off the show room floor. Clean. Runs well. Doesn't need a constant tune up. Don't go shopping for girlfriends in the bargain bin.

People have as much power of you as you give them. The person who cares the least often has the most power. If you're only an option... then they should only be an afterthought.

I'm selfish

I really am. Maybe this is the next thing I need to improve about myself. The next thing I need to fix. I'm pretty sure if you ask people about me they wouldn't think 'selfish' right off the bat on their own, but if you gave them a likert scale and asked them rank my selfishness it'd be pretty high. Especially if you ask any of the women I've dated over the years. Ugh... I'm a little sad and lonely right now, and I'm taking it out on myself. Maybe that's the real thing I should be working on... nope. Let's stick with the selfish thing for a while.

I have a friend. A girl. With whom I am inexplicably interested in. She's having issues with her relationship, and all I can think about is myself. Well, that's not entirely true. I'm in conflict on this. She is a friend, and I do care about her well being. I want to help her however I can. BUT, at the same time I can't help about the possibilities that can result from a potential break up. I'd be able to spend more time with her. All the fun things that we plan to do will actually be able to happen, instead of being interrupted by a jealous boyfriend. Although, maybe there never was a jealous bf, maybe he was always just an excuse not to hang out with me. I want time with her. I want her all to myself. I want... that's the problem. Here it is again... the things I want, that I can't have... they're making me unhappy again.

Do I really want what's best for her, or best for me? The confusing part of this is that I think being with me IS what's best for her. I am such a better influence... although maybe she's not being influenced now. Maybe she is what she is. I like to blame certain faults on the bf, and I like to think that they'd disappear if she were with me, but maybe she's the influence. Maybe, that's just how she is, and I can't do anything about it.

Regardless... the point is I want to help her so that I can help myself. I want to say that I'm interested in helping her, but I worried that the only person I'm really interested in is myself. I can't stop thinking about this as an opportunity.

Is this how S felt? Was he this conflicted while he was chasing my girlfriend? Did he push her to leave me because it would be best for her, or for him?Would things be different if he'd stayed out of it? Being on the receiving end of this sucks, and yet I'm doing it. I'm pushing her to leave him. I honestly think it'd be best for both of them. Their relationship seems so broken. And yet, I cannot stop thinking about how this could benefit me. I'm sure S believed he was doing what was in everyone's best interests. The problem with that is that it was in his best interests too. And that's the problem I'm having... it's in my best interests for them to split too...

Selfish.

I tried to separate myself from the issue, and I was successful for a while. I needed to be angry with her in order to curb my infatuation. The problem is that I'm not an angry person anymore. The problem is that I forgave her, or I believed her when she disputed all the reasons I was angry. I don't know... I cyber-mumbling here.

I can't have her.

So I want her even more... that sucks.

But I can change! I need to change. I need to be more giving. Not just with this situation, but in life. I make everyone come to me, do what I want to do. I rarely go out of my way to help others. That's why I love Ray so much. That man will drop everything he's doing to help you if you need him. He would literally stop in the middle of something and drive half way across the country if you needed him too. And for no other reason than you need his help. I want to be more like that.

That will be my next big personality correction. Over the years I've had other 'corrections'. I used to be a very angry person, with a very short temper. I never hurt anyone, but I would get uncontrollably angry and punch walls, slam my head against desks (which is why I have a bump on my forehead), and break things. But I decided that doesn't help or change anything... so I changed. That was a big one.

This might be humorous to some who know how confident I can be, but believe me when I say I USED to be cocky. I thought I was better than everyone in a great many things, and it was really irritating to the people who knew me. So I changed... for a while I over corrected and became so humble that I wouldn't even take credit for my own achievements. Now, I'm happily confident, but only in the things that I feel I deserve to be. I hope that I don't become overly confident... if I do feel free to knock me down a few pegs.

Currently I'm working on a little correction. I'm working on saying 'you're welcome'. I don't like how when someone thanks me and all I say back is 'yeah' or 'mmhmm'. They took the time to thank me, the least I can do is take the time to properly respond to their thanks. That one's coming along well.

The next big thing is to be less selfish. By this time next year, I hope I'm there.


This post is all over the place. If you made it this far you deserve a high five. I'll give you one next I see you. Thanks.