100th Post!

This is the 100th post to this blog.

... I had no idea. I was just logging in to make a post and it took my to the profile showing that there were currently 99, which makes this number 100.

So what is my 100th post about? If you were to make a guess about what I would write on, what would be? Thinking back across the span you'd probably guess girls. And it would be a pretty good guess... although you'd have to specify that it's a girl with a boyfriend or a girl who I'm interested in or a girl who has irritated me. That'd be a pretty good guess, but it would be wrong. (I do tend to write a lot about the joys of single-dom)

This post however is about McDonald's. Yup, Mac D's, Micky D's, or however else you can call it. I told you, I had no idea this was going to be the 100th post...

So I checked out the newly opened, rebuilt restaurant on Western. Wow... it's fancy on the inside. It looks right out of the corporate showroom. It's got 2 drive-thru lanes. I don't know why it needs two lanes, but it's got two lanes. Seems to me like they could have gone without one of the lanes and made some more parking, or pushed the building back a little so it doesn't create such an awful traffic pattern trying to get out of the place... but they've got two... for all those really crazy busy times at the McD's drivethru... (yes, there is a little sarcasm there)

But the inside of the place is really nice. All decked out with NC State imagery and huge wallpaper images of historic athletic events. Good Ol' P Riv is larger than life right next to Jimmy V and Kay Yow. I love P Riv, but is he really on the same level as Yow?

Either way, they made my big mac the way I wanted it, and it looked pretty busy. It's pretty nice.

Slightly related, I've been making the observation that every McD's I go into seems to always be playing Fox News. Never any other news source. Always Fox. It was no different in this new location (they've got it behind the cash registers so you can watch while you're in line), so I asked the manager if it was a corporate mandate that Fox News be the news channel shown. He seemed a little squirrely about it and gave an answer of, 'I'm not really able to say, but I think so...' We chatted about it for a minute until he asked another manager (who I think might have some ownership of the place) and his answer was it was the owner's decision. The channels on the tv's are set, and they cannot be changed by the management. The second guy told me that they once used CNN, but too many people complained. So now they use Fox News. I guess the types of people who are going to complain about what news channel is playing silently in the background for the 15 mins (max) they're sitting in a fast food place are the type who watch Fox News. I'd wager there are just as many people out there who would rather see another news source, but they're also the same people who be less likely to create conflict or complain over it.

So those of you who are in other parts of the country, let me know, what news is playing in your Mc's. It makes sense for Fox to play in the conservative south, but what about a little north of here, or out on the west coast. Is it MSNBC in California? CNN in Virginia? Share your McDonald's stories!

Something old, new, borrowed, and blue

No, no one's getting married, but the title of the post does fit certain events from the weekend. I can't really go into any detail about it, so you folks might not ever know what it means... but I'm hoping that at least I'll know what it means if I ever read this post again in the future.

Where to begin...

My weekend was pretty freakin awesome now that I look back on it. Yeah... it kicked ass. I did a lot of fun stuff.

Friday night was the DWW christmas party. Lots of people were there... close to 30 people crammed into J&A's little apartment. There was lots of food. Two pots of chili were made, lots of brownies, cutely decorated cupcakes, and other sweets. My gas grill made an appearance to cook up hot dogs and burgers... all of it was great. It was really nice to see everyone and just hang out. I got to be Santa for a little bit, the beard was great! There are a few pictures up on FB... more are coming. So you can see some of the fun yourselves!

Saturday was a bit of a chill day. I relaxed around the house for a while, went to the mall to get a secret santa gift, and then went to visit someone that I probably shouldn't have. I was waiting to leave for greensboro (I had to pick up ML for our show on sunday) when I made contact with a girl. So many of you know who this girl is, I'm not even going to give a first initial. I hadn't heard from her in a while... which is pretty common for her. We often make plans that she breaks...but this time she was home alone and bored and wanted to make good on one of the rain checks she had written me. I couldn't go out, but I told her I'd stop by and visit for a bit before I had to leave. I admit, I did feel slightly used and irritated that the only time she thought of me was when someone else had left her home alone and she didn't have anything, or anyone, else. Previously I had even told myself, and her, that we should see each other; that it wasn't fair, but things... were different. At least different enough that I think visits are ok now. I admit, I was upset that my time was limited to only half an hour or so, when she would have given me several hours. Time with her is so limited that... or at least its been limited in the past... it will likely be that was in the future as well... I want as much as I can get whenever I can get it. I enjoyed the time with her. Even though I know there are many many many reasons that she is wrong for me, she feels right when I hug her. Even though everything she tells me might only be in half truths, I believe we could be together (even though she's never even said it...). It's most likely because she always blows me off that I want her so much... I've got issues I know. So, eventually I had to leave. We had a few really great hugs (she told me it was because she hadn't been hugged in a while that she squeezed me so tight... I didn't mind at all), and I left. We talked on the phone for about an hour while I drove to greensboro... It was nice, and little naughty, but fun none the less. We made plans for Monday... that were broken. We made plans for Wednesday, that I honestly don't expect to be held. Ahhh, but I know what I'm getting into, and I've set my expectations very low, so don't worry about me with this one.

Then, I picked up ML! We drove back to Raleigh and found that the studio was being rented out for the night so we couldn't use it to practice any. We ended up going to Rockford instead. I love that place, but I was really upset to see my two favorite sandwiches no longer on the menu! Hopefully its just a seasonal thing and the salmon will come back in the spring. We came back to my place and practiced a little bit in the kitchen, then we watched the Blackpool Latin championships. Then we ran through the rumba changes a few more times and hit the sack!

Sunday was the big day. ASTG International Ballroom's Christmas Showcase!!! ML and I got there a little early and ran through things to music on the floor about twice, then I started to help set everything up. It was a long day. I MC'd the whole event... which was pretty fun once I got started. I was pretty nervous about it before we got going, but I got into a groove and apparently I was the best MC they've had in years. It was a big deal that I kept us on schedule! Everything went really well. My dancing was pretty good. I got to focus on my MC job, so I didn't have to watch (with much focus) the dancing that others were doing (... its not fair to them but I always compare everyone to the world champions that I enjoy and that they've never even heard of). ML and I did pretty well. We had a bumpy first couple of beats but we finished strong. We had people come up to us and tell us how much our piece put them 'in the mood' so they needed to get home pretty quick... yeah. My friend CFuP girl was there, and she got some great shots of everything, so I hope to have some of those up to show everyone soon.

Afterwards I had some chinese food with friends and watched White Christmas. Fun.

Another girl from my recent past has come back into my life. She specifically asked me not to say anything in my blog about her, so I won't say anything specific. Just that I am enjoying my time with her, and that I think about her... fondly. She's a lot of fun, and its clear that she cares for me. And it's nice it's nice to feel cared for.

This has been a great couple of days for me... and I am pretty darn happy right now.

:-)

migration...

So I finally signed up for a gmail account... the only problem is that I didn't do it from inside my previous google account. So now I have two separate google accounts. One for the new gmail and one for everything else.

Pain.
In.
My.
Ass.

It wasn't until I looked in the help section to try and merge the accounts that it told me I needed to make it from within the account. Ugh...

So anyway, things might look a little off here for a while. I added the new gmail me as an Admin, and removed the old yahoo me. If everything goes like I want it to, you guys should be able to notice a difference at all. I've basically cut and paste all the info from the old account onto the new account. It's just a matter of cancelling things and resigning up for them.

I might drop the whole AdSense thing. So far I've made a whole $2.61 on it... it won't pay out until I get to $100. And I'd have to create a new one... so I'd get kicked back down to $0.00. It was a fun experiment, it told me I write a lot about dance and depression...

Anyways... just a heads up in case things are a little funky around here for a little while.

my birfday... so far

I'm sick. I've been sick since last Friday. It's not very evident to others that I'm sick, but boy is it evident to me. I can't eat anything, or at least I'm not hungry. I only eat half of what I should be eating. The worst part though it the amount of time I spend in the bathroom. I'll let your imagination take it from there.

Why am I telling you about this in regards to my birthday? Because I usually really like going someplace new and slightly fancy for dinner on my birthday, and so far today I've had zero desire to eat anything. I had already planned on not doing anything for my birthday. Since it fell on a Wednesday I figured I'd be in Greensboro dancing, but ML called me and she's sick today too. So, we're not meeting there and I've got nothing to do at all. The thing is, I don't know if I really want to do anything anyway...

So, that was a bit more of a tangent than I wanted it to be.

Yesterday... since I thought I'd be gone today, my Mom brought me a small, single layered, chocolate cake with chocolate chips and cream cheese frosting. I haven't been able to eat much, but it's good. I'm very happy with it. She also gave me my b-day present yesterday... a Blu-Ray player?! Totally unexpected, but she got a really good deal on it. It was a display model, so it was missing the box, the documentation, the remote... basically everything but the actual player. She also gave me Batman Begins on BD. I put it in to test it out and the movie started right up. It looked pretty good too. We watched for a little while and then we went to Sadlack's a split my favorite sandwich in the WORLD... the turkey applejack. Man that thing is amazing.... we also had sweet potato fries, but I was full after half a sandwich (ridiculous... I hate this illness). Later I finished watching Batman and then just hung out for a while. I decided not to go to Inga's so I could save my energy for today's practice... oh well. I met up with some folks at Bo Bo's and then we went to Block buster and rented another movie on BD.

This one gave us problems.... remember, I don't have a remote for this thing. This disc went to a menu first, and pressing play on the player did nothing... I messed with it an hour or so. I updated the firmware (I think, I can't check it without the blue button on the official remote). Then I gave up and put batman back in. I slept through a lot of it.

I went to bed, woke up, had a very nice morning, ate some cake, and then felt really sick again. It probably doesn't help that the only thing I've been eating the past two days was salami (part of a taste test on campus... made $30).

I got a new remote (spent $30) and it works most of the features, I think... Without the original for comparison, I don't know what I'm missing out on.

Now, I've got nothing to do. I hadn't planned on being home. I figured I'd be dancing. Maybe I'll be able to throw something together, but short notice is really difficult during finals...

Lapdance...check!

Let's start the weekend discussion with Friday. It was the last day of classes and they last day that I'd get to work with any of my students at NC State. It was an easy day for them. All they had to do was come in and drop off some materials. So, they didn't even have to be there for the entire class period, but it never failed that a few hung around with me until my next class began. That was fun. The student interactions have always been my favorite part of teaching.

Then I went and had my samba lesson with Carol... I don't think I've directed these lessons very well. I'm just so focused on getting her to move correctly that I haven't spent enough time on the choreography with her. I haven't spent enough time on it with myself. We don't know the routine very well... and I think its a lot shorter than what everyone else will be doing at the showcase this weekend... It's funny. All my coach ever says to me is that I spend too much time on choreography and not enough on movement, and with her its been the exact opposite. Working at the studio is so different than what this competitive syllabus dancer is accustomed to.

Then I rushed back to campus for my fusion class (its a fusion of yoga and pilates... this one focuses more on pilates). I've been taking this class every Friday for a couple months now. I missed two weeks because of Ohio and Thanksgiving, and I may only get to go to one more since I have to leave the university. I don't know if I'll maintain my gym membership. I love the class. It works all the things I need for dance, so it's great. I wish it did a little more on improving flexibility, but that's me just being selfish again. It doesn't hurt that the instructor is super cute. I mean, this girl is the embodiment of cute. She's very pretty, bot hot, but pretty. That's a good thing though. Never marry a hot girl. Hot girls almost always age poorly and look haggard after a while. Pretty girls, on the other hand, usually are always going to be pretty. Anyways... this class was fun. As usual I was the only guy in a class full of girls, so I set up right in the front (I'm there for the class, not to stare at chicks' asses, they can stare at my ass... I know they do), but this time I ended up right in front of the instructor, and a lot of flirting ensued. My friend E goes to the class too and she pointed out that it started to get a little distracting, and I got a little defensive and told her that I really wasn't flirting that much, but then E pointed out that it wasn't really coming from me as much as it was directed at me. She said the instructor just kept starring at me. I noticed that too, but didn't want to say anything. On a different note, I always push myself in that class. By the end of this one, my legs were shaky and I felt sick! Shakiness is normal, sickness in not.

We'll skip around in time to maintain the continuity of my Fitness story... later that night I found her on facebook and added her as a friend. To my surprise she was listed as single. It surprised me because just a few weeks before she was telling me how her boyfriend had taken out the night before. So then the increases flirting started to make sense to me. I sent her a message Sunday telling how sore I still was, she replied, then I went for it. I sent another message asking if it would be inappropriate for me to take my fitness instructor out for coffee. Then I crash and burn. She replies with 'i think it would be inappropriate bc i just got out of a relationship and do not want to date anyone at this pnt in time' ... or something close to that. Completely understandable, yet still a little sad. I wasn't asking to date her, just for a latte, but I guess there's more commitment to coffee than I thought.

Back to Friday... after the class I went home to change clothes and then went to work a dance party at ASTG. I felt sick. It came and went all night. I'd be ok for one minute and then nauseous the next, but I made it through. I felt exhausted by the end of it. I stopped by the end of the club's social dance for a while but then called it a night. I was in bed by 12:30. I must have had a 'touch of the flu' I couldn't sleep very well. I was up at 5AM with a dance nightmare! I can't remember what it was exactly, just that I was stuck in the same three steps over and over and over and I couldn't get it out of my head, like I was ocd about it. It was terrible. I also felt pretty sick when I woke up, and I spent some time in the bathroom... no fun. I stayed up a total of about 45 min before I got back in bed and slept until 10 or so on saturday.

I made my way to CBC and basically sat around all day. I saw and chatted with a lot of people, but I felt like crap all day. I was excited to see Lina there though. After everything was over, against the will of my ailing body, I went dancing with her and a few others. We found ourselves at some textiles semi-formal. I felt like a chaperon everyone else was so young looking there. They had to have been college students, but freshmen look more and more like kids to me... anyway, we made our own party. It was a blast! We were much better dancers (even club dancers) than the other kids there, and they often turned around to watch our group. It didn't hurt that every other song someone was getting or giving a lap dance. Lina has pictures, they're great, but it was better in person ;) I got a dance from two girls at the same time. I will also add at this point that some girls who I've never been attracted to, became pretty darn hot dancing with me.... We stayed until about 11:30 (which felt like 3:30 to me). I had perked up and had a great time there, but afterwards my exhaustion took over. I was gonna meet with Lina's roommate and hang out with them for a while, but I ended up crashing at home instead. I was so tired when I got home, that I put my pj's on backwards and didn't even notice till morning.

I slept until 11 or so Sunday, and did nothing else all day. I didn't even open the door on Sunday. I was completely shut in. Although, I did feel good when people called me. Its nice when people just call to call. It makes me feel like people actually like me and want to talk to me. I have a birthday coming up, so a few of the call centered around that, but it was still nice to know that people think of me... I've been increasingly lonely lately. The holidays are always difficult to be alone in.

So that's my weekend. As usual the second got shortchanged since I used up all my focus on the first half... it's a good thing I'm not a kid today, I'd be diagnosed with ADD and drugged up in a heartbeat.

Table Tennis Tips

I already liked their music, but now I know these guys are fun.

In contrast...

Do not make someone a priority if they make you an option.

A friend of mine told me she was going to make this one of her resolutions. I should too. I admit that this is somewhat hypocritical of me to say, since I often make people options (see the previous post), but I need to work on this myself.

Instead of chasing after broken goods, when I can't even find all the pieces necessary to put her back together, I should be looking for something off the show room floor. Clean. Runs well. Doesn't need a constant tune up. Don't go shopping for girlfriends in the bargain bin.

People have as much power of you as you give them. The person who cares the least often has the most power. If you're only an option... then they should only be an afterthought.

I'm selfish

I really am. Maybe this is the next thing I need to improve about myself. The next thing I need to fix. I'm pretty sure if you ask people about me they wouldn't think 'selfish' right off the bat on their own, but if you gave them a likert scale and asked them rank my selfishness it'd be pretty high. Especially if you ask any of the women I've dated over the years. Ugh... I'm a little sad and lonely right now, and I'm taking it out on myself. Maybe that's the real thing I should be working on... nope. Let's stick with the selfish thing for a while.

I have a friend. A girl. With whom I am inexplicably interested in. She's having issues with her relationship, and all I can think about is myself. Well, that's not entirely true. I'm in conflict on this. She is a friend, and I do care about her well being. I want to help her however I can. BUT, at the same time I can't help about the possibilities that can result from a potential break up. I'd be able to spend more time with her. All the fun things that we plan to do will actually be able to happen, instead of being interrupted by a jealous boyfriend. Although, maybe there never was a jealous bf, maybe he was always just an excuse not to hang out with me. I want time with her. I want her all to myself. I want... that's the problem. Here it is again... the things I want, that I can't have... they're making me unhappy again.

Do I really want what's best for her, or best for me? The confusing part of this is that I think being with me IS what's best for her. I am such a better influence... although maybe she's not being influenced now. Maybe she is what she is. I like to blame certain faults on the bf, and I like to think that they'd disappear if she were with me, but maybe she's the influence. Maybe, that's just how she is, and I can't do anything about it.

Regardless... the point is I want to help her so that I can help myself. I want to say that I'm interested in helping her, but I worried that the only person I'm really interested in is myself. I can't stop thinking about this as an opportunity.

Is this how S felt? Was he this conflicted while he was chasing my girlfriend? Did he push her to leave me because it would be best for her, or for him?Would things be different if he'd stayed out of it? Being on the receiving end of this sucks, and yet I'm doing it. I'm pushing her to leave him. I honestly think it'd be best for both of them. Their relationship seems so broken. And yet, I cannot stop thinking about how this could benefit me. I'm sure S believed he was doing what was in everyone's best interests. The problem with that is that it was in his best interests too. And that's the problem I'm having... it's in my best interests for them to split too...

Selfish.

I tried to separate myself from the issue, and I was successful for a while. I needed to be angry with her in order to curb my infatuation. The problem is that I'm not an angry person anymore. The problem is that I forgave her, or I believed her when she disputed all the reasons I was angry. I don't know... I cyber-mumbling here.

I can't have her.

So I want her even more... that sucks.

But I can change! I need to change. I need to be more giving. Not just with this situation, but in life. I make everyone come to me, do what I want to do. I rarely go out of my way to help others. That's why I love Ray so much. That man will drop everything he's doing to help you if you need him. He would literally stop in the middle of something and drive half way across the country if you needed him too. And for no other reason than you need his help. I want to be more like that.

That will be my next big personality correction. Over the years I've had other 'corrections'. I used to be a very angry person, with a very short temper. I never hurt anyone, but I would get uncontrollably angry and punch walls, slam my head against desks (which is why I have a bump on my forehead), and break things. But I decided that doesn't help or change anything... so I changed. That was a big one.

This might be humorous to some who know how confident I can be, but believe me when I say I USED to be cocky. I thought I was better than everyone in a great many things, and it was really irritating to the people who knew me. So I changed... for a while I over corrected and became so humble that I wouldn't even take credit for my own achievements. Now, I'm happily confident, but only in the things that I feel I deserve to be. I hope that I don't become overly confident... if I do feel free to knock me down a few pegs.

Currently I'm working on a little correction. I'm working on saying 'you're welcome'. I don't like how when someone thanks me and all I say back is 'yeah' or 'mmhmm'. They took the time to thank me, the least I can do is take the time to properly respond to their thanks. That one's coming along well.

The next big thing is to be less selfish. By this time next year, I hope I'm there.


This post is all over the place. If you made it this far you deserve a high five. I'll give you one next I see you. Thanks.