Burn

So I feel kinda burned right now. Burned and a little pissed. The worst part about it is that I can't even talk about it here. I have a wide array of readers, most of which I don't know anything about. I don't know who they are or if I know them in my outside life. Most are probably people that I interact with everyday, who just lurk and stalk me a little. Which is cool. Part of the reason I started this blog was because I needed someone to talk to, but didn't really have anybody. I liked the idea that someone would read and listen to me vent (bitch). Even if I don't know who is listening, it's still nice to know that someone is sharing my experience with me. Remember, I'm big on shared experiences. But every once in a while, someone will leave a comment (which I highly encourage you to do, let's make this as much of a dialog as possible, just sign your comments with something so I can refer back to you specifically) or someone will talk to me about my blog IRL, and I figure out a few people that read.

Then it gets tricky. When I don't know anything about who is o isn't reading, then I don't feel like I have censor anything. If someone pisses me off or fires me up I can talk about it, of course without names, and I don't worry about the repercussions. There's a defense wall of safety where if I say something about a person, even if he/she reads it, they can't really acknowledge I said it without acknowledging that they've been reading my blog, so most people don't say anything back. But when I know you're reading, I can't be as free to say something that might upset you. A quandary indeed.

So instead of writing about what burns me, or who burned me, how how I have been burned by the actions of a particular person... I write about NoT being able to say anything about it. Oddly... it's having the same effect. At least right now, I feel better.

Now the funnest part of all this anonymity of who I'm talking about and who's reading, is that I'm sure some people have thought I may be talking about them, when in fact I have been talking about someone else. That's right girls... there's more than one of you out there who does crazy things. Even if all of you girls are doing the same type of crazy lead me on type stuff, some of you think you're the only ones doing it. Well I've got news for you! I've had at least four or five chicks in the past few weeks play games with me. So don't think you're special! You're lucky I haven't confused all your J names! How many girls have names that start with J, I mean three could be a coincidence, but beyond that I'm in the freaking twilight zone now... Well, one of you has been pretty cool, so kudos to you 'J'.

I bet you all think you're the cool one :P

Although, the silver lining to all of this is that people are indeed reading this collection of ramblings I call The Back Porch, and it seems that what I saw here might actually have some impact in the outside world.

I will also add that I have gotten some awefully cool and wierd hits. Hits from outside of this general region are always awesome. I've had hits from Germany, Spain, Russia, L.A., LA, WI, VA, PA, and tons of other places. But I've also had some hits that are a little odd. I think I know who it is, but I just think its wierd that he's reading my blog... but I'll keep that one a little closer to the chest.